So, you’ve landed in the UK with stars in your eyes and scones on the brain. You’re ready to explore castles, spot a royal or two and pretend you understand cricket. Splendid. But before you go marching into a pub yelling “top o’ the morning” or asking for fish and chips with ranch dressing, let’s talk about what not to do.
Because while Brits are famously polite, there are some things that will have even the kindest pensioner raising an eyebrow and muttering, “bloody tourists.” Want to avoid cringe-worthy faux pas and passive-aggressive side-eyes? Thought so.
Put that selfie stick down, grab a proper cup of tea and read these 10 things you really shouldn’t do while visiting the UK.
1. Don’t Speak Loudly in Public
🔊 Volume control, please. This isn’t Broadway.
Brits are allergic to unnecessary noise, especially on trains, in cafés or anywhere indoors really. If people are turning to look, it’s not because you’re fascinating — it’s because they’re silently begging you to shush.
🤫 Instead: Use your indoor voice… everywhere.
2. Don’t Try to Imitate the Accent
🇬🇧 Your Cockney’s not cute. Your Scouse is terrifying. Just stop.
It might seem like fun to drop a “cor blimey” or a “bloody hell” in a dodgy accent, but trust us — the locals are not amused. It’s not banter. It’s deeply cringe.
🙃 Instead: Speak normally. Or, if you must impersonate someone, make it David Attenborough. Everyone loves him.
3. Don’t Stand on the Left of the Escalator
⬆️ London’s unofficial rule: stand on the right, walk on the left.
Block the left side and you’ll cause a pile-up of disgruntled commuters, one of whom will breathe heavily behind you until you get the hint.
🚷 Instead: Keep right unless you’re sprinting like your train departs in 30 seconds.
4. Don’t Talk About Money
💷 It’s not polite, darling.
Asking someone how much they earn, what their rent is or how much their coat cost is the conversational equivalent of licking the floor. Brits would rather talk about the weather… forever.
😬 Instead: Stick to safe topics: tea, train delays, how nice the daffodils are this time of year.
5. Don’t Forget to Say “Please” and “Thank You” (Constantly)
🙏 Manners are not optional — they’re currency.
You’ll hear “sorry” when someone gets punched in the face. Politeness is built into the infrastructure. Forget your Ps and Qs and you’ll seem positively feral.
🙇♀️ Instead: Say “please” even when asking a robot for directions. Say “thank you” like your life depends on it.
6. Don’t Complain About the Weather (Too Much)
🌧️ Yes, it rains. No, they don’t want to hear your hot take on it.
Weather chat is sacred, but only if it’s self-deprecating. Moaning like the drizzle is a personal attack on your soul? That’s our job.
☁️ Instead: Say something like “bit grey today, isn’t it?” and carry on like a soggy legend.
7. Don’t Skip the Queue
🪪 There will be a line. Always.
And if you think no one noticed you sneak ahead, think again. You’ve just made enemies for life and someone’s already composing a passive-aggressive tweet about it.
📏 Instead: Find the end of the queue, take a deep breath and enjoy the communal British bonding experience of standing in an orderly line.
8. Don’t Expect Everything to Be Open Late
🕖 This isn’t New York.
Pubs close early, shops even earlier and a “late-night snack” might involve sprinting to a Tesco Express before 10pm.
⏰ Instead: Plan ahead. Stock up. And if all else fails, there’s always crisps for dinner.
9. Don’t Assume Everyone Knows the Royal Family Personally
👑 Not every Brit has tea with King Charles.
Asking if they’ve “ever met Harry” is like asking a Californian if they hang out with Beyoncé.
🫖 Instead: Keep it subtle. If someone does mention they’ve brushed shoulders with royalty, act cool — then freak out privately.
10. Don’t Forget to Look Right When Crossing the Street
🚦You’re not in Kansas anymore.
Cars come from the “wrong” direction and jaywalking here is basically a form of roulette. Looking left first? Fatal mistake.
🚶 Instead: Look both ways. Twice. Then again. Then go.
🎩 Final Tips with a Cuppa in Hand:
The UK is quirky, charming and a little bit obsessed with order, quiet and politeness. Break the unwritten rules and you won’t be chased out with pitchforks, but you will feel the slow burn of quiet British judgment.
So, if in doubt — keep calm, apologise for existing and act like rain is a personality trait. Do that and you’ll do just fine. Cheers.
